it’s kowtow’s singing xmas card 2016! ~ Xmas Kreep ’16

This year’s card is a little bit of a twist (for these twisted times). It’s a new recording of Xmas Kreep (from the 2009 singing xmas card) with video of Kowtow laying down guitar and vocals.

May your holidays be happy, and your new year a little less kreepy.

The bones in the closet are restless
to down our egg nog before xmas.
The ghosts in the gears now get anxious
to gargle our spirits and thank us.

Now Stingy Jack acts the part of Jack Frost
before the sham scarecrow scarcely leaves the lawn;
untimely tinsel perks up the office neck tie party.
Black Friday will soon loom with the frosty moon,
and Rudolph will land on your roof by noon,
and weak wassail will lead the way down some blind alley
where somebody’s bound to light you up for cheap.
You never know who’s your secret santa
or who’s your xmas kreep.

it’s kowtow’s singing xmas card 2015! ~ Oak & Mistletoe

Here’s to conjuring up a very magical Christmas and an enchanted New Year!


i need you but you don’t need me
i’ve been on you all this time for free
something’s gotta give
for you and me to live
or you will leave me here with nothing left

do you see me like i see you
holding on with everything to lose
something’s gonna break
the chances we would take
if I should leave you here with nothing left

in oak and mistletoe
tomorrow can be heard
slung down or winter-born
like a skein of scaling birds

kowtow kronikles: know all men by these presents

from Kowtow’s debut, Stringing Along the Dreamline, a dispatch for our times…

dreamline_cropKnow All Men By These Presents

Here…chew on this for awhile
You wanna read these words like dollar signs
if you’re gonna get somewhere in this life
You can hit the jackpot as a professional crackpot with a license
You can rewrite the law as a hired hack
now that you’ve tapped into the national data bank
You can tell the world to go to hell
just as long as we the people pay your bills
Know all men by these presents
It’s the price you pay for the gift of life

I can walk you home safely for a fee
or escort you to a money machine
I can help you across this busy street
You know boy scouts they don’t grow on trees
Insurance is the national bitch
when the way of the world is hit and run
but you can drive yourself into a ditch
trying to pay for some protection
Know all men by these presents
It’s the price you pay for the gift of life

Once I hired a lawyer who hired a private eye
who hired another lawyer to protect him from malpractice
and together they followed my whereabouts in this bleeding little town
and the final bill came to a dollar sign as big as the White House
And then the doctor said I should be going to bed a little earlier each night
So I can save my money to pay his bill instead of spending it on my girl
who currently is suing me for some kind of child support
even though her kids are not my kids, there the sons of doctors and lawyers
And the private eye, well he screwed me too
He said, do you recognize these photographs
–They were black and white and I was turning red–
She’s the girl you met at the public bath
–I remember now where I got that rash–
Well she’s my sister too and she said you might interested in some film
for a special price you get a discount BJ and copy of the video
Know all men by these presents
It’s the price you pay for the gift of life

© 1987, Stringing Along the Dreamline


kowtow kronikles: kowtow and his fellow men, whack-a-mole

From 2003 to 2006, Kowtow performed with hard rock cover band Whack-A-Mole, playing tunes by Judas Priest, Blue Oyster Cult, UFO, and the like. The band also made Kowtow’s “Watch Out for Your Fellow Man,” from his 1999 album Eat My Dust, a Mole anthem. Featuring Gary Applegarth (drums), Lance Carter (bass), Wayne Hunt (guitar), and Rob Santos (guitar), here’s Kowtow with the band performing “Fellow Man” in 2005 at Fat Tuesday’s in Fairfax, Virginia.

kowtow kronikles: calling jahneen b/w anything to say

“calling jahneenanything to say” Haywire House

A long, long time ago, Kowtow put out an album on cassette under the moniker Haywire House. Kowtow didn’t even know he was Kowtow at the time, but Haywire House set the stage for the Kowtow records to come. “Calling Jahneen” might be the closest he’s come to a true single–a studio-version was released on 7″ vinyl by the Senses Bureau, who Kowtow joined briefly in the mid-80s. Here’s the original 4-track version, complete with vintage Roland drum machine. “Anything to Say” is the album’s title track.

it’s kowtow’s singing xmas card 2014! ~ Xmas 4 Dummies

Here’s wishing you a wit-half-full holiday!

“xmas 4 dummies” by kowtow popof  


It’s stunning all this running around
You’ll lose your head at the lost and found
bright-eyed and Bacardi-cocktailed
standing in line at the frog hair sale

Was there a time before Xmas for dummies
when everyone’s uncle drank like a mummy
spinning crystals in gin and tonics
and myths of the ball that wouldn’t  drop

Thirteen shots of schnapps on 12th Night
Five will get you ten three wise men lied
Two-faced Jacks and Jokers are wild
Three-putt one more buck to the pot back nine

There was a time before Xmas for dummies
when everyone and their uncle drank like a mummy
spilling mistle-tick-tack-toe gossip
and what-ifs of the ball that wouldn’t drop


Don’t get them started
on the one big two-hearted that got away

Was there a time before Xmas for dummies
when everyone’s uncle drank like a mummy
spinning crystals in gin and tonics
and myths of the ball that wouldn’t  drop

It wouldn’t drop…